Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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