I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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