At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
