I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
