Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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