i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
