i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
