a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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