I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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