White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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