i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
