i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
