Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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