I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
