Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
