No subtext here. People are naked.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize