Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
