just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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