I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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