2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
