Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
