didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
