I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
