so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
