Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
