this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
