Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
