i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
