how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
