I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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