go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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