How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Blood and glitter go together right?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize