Im at strip club and am horny
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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