Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize