you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
