Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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