I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
