i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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