Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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