you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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