We're like a lot better than the average bears
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
