I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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