Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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