Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Randomize
