Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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