Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
