While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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