I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
