I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
