what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
