thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
