dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
