Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
where does the pee come out of this thing
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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