im about as happy as oj after his trial
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize