Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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