He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
