she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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