you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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