guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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