on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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