Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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