Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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