is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
