I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
