Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
