Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
