he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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