I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My cat gives me a boner
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
