How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
