so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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