we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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