So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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