oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
farters have to be the big spoon...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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