Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
