dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
